Don't Waste Your Life

I’m going to share a personal and embarrassing story. I’m doing so because I hope it will help others that find themselves in a similar situation.

Tony Zmarzly:

Six months ago I was invited to audition for a band. My friend, Tony, asked me to come jam with him to see if it would work. I was nervous. I drank a few beers to help with that. It was obvious from the start that I wasn’t good enough to be in his band, or probably any band, for that matter. In fact, after I played along to the first song, Tony asked: “Could you hear the music?” I can laugh at that now, but it wasn’t a pleasant moment.

Since we both knew early in the evening that it wasn’t going to work, I thought the night was going to be an embarrassing disaster. But, to my surprise, Tony wanted to keep playing. I felt like leaving after the first song so I didn’t embarrass myself further. I ended up staying, and we played music for a couple of hours.

Near the end of the night, I asked him what he thought. As part of his summary, he told me I had “a long way to go.” But he told me all of this in a classy and respectful way. He had the courage to be honest and tell me the truth. He didn’t cop-out with something like: “You’re good, but we still need to check other drummers.” I’m grateful that Tony was honest while still being respectful. The truth was disappointing, but at least I finally knew where I stood. I had two choices at that moment: be depressed and sell my drums, or put in the effort necessary to become a good drummer.

Two months later, I started taking drum lessons at BGSU’s College of Musical Arts. I was lucky to have found an excellent drum teacher in Dave Nelson. I have also played at least 18 hours per week since the beginning of 2014. Now that I was actually and seriously dedicated to drumming, I had a drum room built in the basement. I posted a picture of it on Facebook.

Ramsey Abu-Absi:

After I posted a picture of my new drum room, Ramsey said we should get together and play. Honestly, my first thought was: “he’s just being nice.” That’s Ramsey; super-nice, all the time. When I realized he was serious, I told him that would be great, but deep down I was hoping it wouldn’t happen. Ramsey is a great guitarist. I’m a crappy drummer. I was worried that I would be wasting his time.

The day before we were supposed to get together, I sent him a video of me playing a song. I told him: “This is what you’re getting into.” I guess I wanted him to see me play, and then be able to gracefully bow-out with an excuse. The funny part of this is that he didn’t reply for quite a while. And when he did reply, he said that he was sick and might not be able to make it. I laughed and thought that I had given him his out. However, he told me the next day that he felt much better, so it was on.

I was nervous when we played the first song. However, Ramsey didn’t have time to practice, and he was actually making a couple of mistakes and needed a little time to learn on the fly. I thought, wow, this doesn’t have to be a perfect session. Ramsey kept telling me that it’s all for fun and we’re going to make mistakes. Just have fun and play. After that first song, I wasn’t nervous and had probably the best time drumming in 20+ years.

Mark Bostleman:

Mark had a two-word reply, to a Facebook post, that meant a lot to me. I don’t remember the exact wording of the question, but it was something like: “If you could tell your younger self anything, using just two words, what would it be?” His answer was:  “Do it.”

That simple answer made me think. When I’m 70, do I want to wonder what would have happened if I really gave drumming a serious shot? Or not even drumming, but at least one thing that I really went after and made it my thing? I decided for that thing to be drumming, and I’m having the time of my life now. I’m happier overall, and I’m getting better at it. It’s more enjoyable to play now that I’m getting better.

I’m 43 years old. I had thoughts of it being too late to try and be a very good drummer. But, you know what? I don’t have to be the best drummer. In fact, I don’t have to be spectacular. I just want to be a very good drummer, and I’m on that path now. I'm still early on that path, but at least I'm on it!

Summary:

Life is too short. DO IT, before it’s too late. At least try and fail; that’s better than not trying. Seriously, if you try, then fail, so what? You’ve still gained something: at least you know where you stand. And at least you had the courage to try. And you can decide if you want to give up. You can also decide to stop watching reruns of Family Guy and go after what you want in life. I did it, and I’m so happy that I finally stopped making excuses. I tried. I failed. And it was a great thing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going downstairs to drum...

Update:

Tony invited me to come practice with his band on 30-Aug-2014. I sat in for their drummer who wasn't available to practice that day. I've also practiced with them the last two weeks, performing 13 songs. The practice time is starting to pay off and I look forward to filling-in whenever they need someone.

Update #2 (16-Oct-2015):

I've been with the band for four months now. We're doing our third gig tomorrow. We have 70+ songs. I guess it all worked out...